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In Search of Conclusions

It is amazing how a day I should be proud of, begins with many things I am ashamed of. But I realize I am not a consequential being. Freedom earned, freedom gained in a particular context means little to a mind grappling with freedom from a spiralling thought processes.

Efforts, sincerity of purpose, struggle seem to draw nothing. Just like the words. This last bit hurts more than everything else. About a decade ago, I had addressed a fellow being, thinking something mattered. Something might move. A heart, a character, a system, a humanity.

I see the parade of the Americans, the Russians, the Taliban, the Israeli, of the right and of the left.

I see death of soldiers and terrorists. I see victors and vanquished. Everyone seem to be in a state of eternal existence with no conclusiveness. 

Then there is the rapist and the raped. As much as I hate to bring them in the same sentence the butchery of living demands, that I do. There is the system and the anti-system in which they try to eke out a living. But nothing moves in this ever-moving world.

The tortured stay tortured, the system stays the system and chaos simply fuels further chaos. The order seems to protect whatever it can only till someone falls over to the anti-order.

Amidst all this, the single greatest observable event of my lifetime has been the fading of sensibilities. There is so much to comprehend and make sense of and so little time to do so, that nothing seems to matter anymore.

Imagine my vantage point to be a transcontinental flight with ultra zoomed in camera. It is a world imagine-seen as an exercise in pessimism. There are rapes dotting the landscape and kilometres away angry marches in solidarity with victoms or protests; there's bombing and there's life happening a few miles apart; there are unprecedentedly big sporting events and there are equally unprecedented hoards seeking asylums; a billionaire makes never seen before flash display of brazen spending and a little away floods have ravaged and destroyed at least two generations worth of wealth (if a scraped hut and some belongings can be called that). 

Anarchy and blood rules the streets somewhere and sunbathers with wine, a little elsewhere. Somewhere believers throng shrines in increasing faith; and molesters, looters and politically evil eyes supervise their coming and going that same where. 

Meanwhile, my disillusionment and faith in illusions of love, hope, order and peace keeps true to my upbringing in a directionless world. I wonder how my parents could create a corner of respite and innocence amidst a cruelty called life.

A little above me, on the opposite side of the orb is an astronaut crew trying to hold a promise of a future whose shape or existence may not be guaranteed ever.

Back down, parties, revelries, accidents and brutalities can all be seen straddling side by side in varies geographies across the globe. The encashers keep encashing and the ponderers keep pondering.

If ever there was a semblance of thought and action as to where life was heading on this planet, there seems to be no evidence of it, like the arrangement of thoughts and words in this article.

By the way, the rest of the biotic and abiotic world, the tamed and the untamed, keeps struggling to come to terms with whatever humans draft around them. 

Then along comes a festive occasion and I am all smiles this day; until, on my way back from a family dinner, I see that belly scratching man with what seems like his daughter and wife sleeping next to him on a footpath on a road bridge.

No event and every event, no moral and every moral keeps playing in association and contradiction to each other. 

And I know not what to make of it.

Comments

  1. Anonymous8 November 2024 at 02:00

    The dichotomy and duality of two extremes are the true sources of existential crisis. Though it seems extreme on the out look both are co-related and interdependent on each other for the existence of world itself! Man made horrors and the symbiosis of nature are two extremes where we don't know if they are interdependent on each other for the survival of life itself on earth!! Still there is a dirty Harmony in our existence and survival...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous15 November 2024 at 17:02

      The line “…like the arrangement of thoughts and words in this article” really made me cackle haha

      Delete

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